Bio: April Salzano teaches college writing in Pennsylvania. Her work has appeared in Poetry Salzburg, Pyrokinection, Convergence, Ascent Aspirations, The Rainbow Rose, The Camel Saloon, The Applicant, The Mindful Word, Napalm and Novocain, The Second Hump, and is forthcoming in Jellyfish Whispers, The South Townsville Micro Poetry Journal, andInclement. She is working on her first collection of poetry and an autobiographical novel on raising a child with Autism.
Self Checkout
I can hear the genius at Walmart
corporate headquarters, pitching
his new idea:
Why open more lanes
when we can make the customer
do the job FOR us?
Please place your item
in the bagging area…
Ok, item in bagging area. Ha! I’m
my own cashier! I’m avoiding the lines.
I’m saving…no…I’m MAKING time!
Beep. Beep. Wahoo!
Please place your item
in the bagging area.
It’s placed.
Please place your…
It’s. In. The. Bagg.ing. Ar.e.a.
Please place your item…
Motherfucker, it IS in the bagging area.
Item not bagged.
Skip bagging. Ha! There.
Beep. Beep.
Please place your item
back
on the belt.
What? Why? It’s in the bagging area.
You said bagging area. Hello?
Assistance required.
Yes, yes please assist me.
Do your job. I am not
a cashier. Can’t you see that?
Please place your item in…
am I wearing a smock? Am I?
the bagging area.
Belt! You said the belt!
Please wait for assistance.
No! I won’t!
Fine! Happy? Waiting
for assistance. To finish
select your payment method.
Card not read. Please wait
for assistance.
Please kiss my ass.
Please wait for assistance.
Ready or Not, Here I Come
1…works it in…
2…kids later, I’m pleased with the struggle…
3…(pause) 4….(pause)
6,7…Yeah, right there (kegel’s working).
8..uh oh…9… I’m…gonna…(No! Wait!)…
10…I’m sorry.
Yes. Yes,
you are.
